Luck and Wants

We want luck to always be on our side. We want to keep winning and continue to obtain what we desire. It is difficult to accept failure, especially when we believe we have given our best or consider ourselves the best. However, honey, luck doesn't work that way. You can go to the nearest shop and still get robbed on the way. You can study all day, only to discover that the questions that appeared were beyond what you had prepared for – or worse, you suddenly forget things. You can be cautious of things and imagine these whole what-if scenarios, but alas, it still happens the other way around. Shit happens. The luck was not on our side at that time. We were unlucky. 

The years of failing to achieve what I desired drove me to see things from various perspectives: giving and receiving, success and failure, being lucky and unlucky. In my effort to continue getting up in the morning and patting myself on the back for not being granted something I worked hard for, I had to manage what I fed my mind.

It is comforting for me to know that I am not the best and not the hardest-working ant. There is always someone better than me at everything. That person may have started their training and learning much earlier than me. They may be more privileged than me in various aspects. And you know what? The same could apply to me. I might be the privileged one without even realising it.

I am reminded of a fated meeting I had around 6-7 years ago in Leeds. I met someone who was grateful for my "unluckiness." Two years before that event, I was selected as one of the Indonesian delegates in a highly competitive youth exchange program in Canada. I remember how exhausting the selection process was and how elated I was when I made it. However, a week before a mandatory medical checkup, I had to undergo appendicitis surgery and let go of my dream of flying to Canada.

Fast forward to two years later, when I visited a friend in Leeds and was introduced to this one lady. I asked her how they knew each other, and my friend mentioned that they had met in the alumni network of that youth exchange program. While my friend went to China, the other lady went to Canada. Feeling connected, I mentioned that I was also supposed to go to Canada under that program, but I couldn't make it due to appendicitis. Guess what? That lady, with a surprised look on her face, said, "So, it was you?" At first, I didn't understand. She continued, "I was called from the waiting list after someone on the main list cancelled because of appendicitis!"

I remember the three of us being stunned for a few minutes. The lady grabbed my hand and expressed her sincere gratitude for the opportunity. No, it wasn't an insult or sarcasm. I could tell from her eyes and gestures that she was genuinely thankful. I was also happy for her. At that time, I didn't think much of the event, considering it a purely odd coincidence. However, years later, I replayed that event many times because it taught me something.

It taught me that we are not the centre of the universe. Our supposed unfortunate events might turn into fortunate events for others, and vice versa. When we achieve something, such as a place in a competition or a scholarship, others might cry over the result announcement because their hard work didn't pay off that time. We could be the ones crying or the others.

We tend not to complain when we are the recipients but complain a lot when we are not. We tend to forget that we were lucky at that time. We were lucky because, at that moment, we had prepared the right things, while others might have been sick or facing other struggles. The selection committee might have had specific requirements in our favour that they didn't share publicly, and there were other conditions that made us fortunate. Having been part of the recruitment team in my organization several times, I know that the selection of new staff was not solely based on what was publicized. Many considerations came into play during deliberations. By only looking at the general requirements, people often fall into the thinking that they are the best candidates and will definitely succeed in the selection. Confidence is good, but remember that when it is not a writing test with an exact answer, every factor could contribute to the decision-making process – and most of the time, you don't know them.

In short, it helps me to believe that we can only do our best, and whatever the result may be, let's be grateful and happy with it. When we succeed, let's be content with the outcome and grateful for the luck and trust bestowed upon us. When we fail, let's choose to be happy for the fortunate person who succeeds. It is their fate, their timing, their luck. I know I am also fortunate in many areas that I often fail to realize because I am too busy focusing on what I haven't achieved.

February 18th, 2023

Intan

Photo source: personal gallery.